Or nope, which is better?

I went out shopping on Black Friday, no not super early and not for Christmas presents, and ended up at Michaels for a few items. They were selling all of these really cool, vintage-looking, lighted signs and letters. They had words like “Joy” and “Hope.”

I was feeling neither joyful nor hopeful that day and those signs sent me even further into an angsty, “nobody understand me” mood. Let me try to explain…

We are becoming a little afraid of Hope. Having hopes makes each month seem like an eternity. Having hopes and not having them realized, results in disappointment, which is only compounded by more hope and disappointment. We are scared of getting sucked into an endless cycle of hope – so caught up emotionally that we can’t see the reality.

There will likely always be something to try, a next step, a new chance, and I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever stop. I realize we are just on the brink of all of this, but sometimes it feels like it might almost be easier if, instead of a next step, we were told “nope.” The definite is somehow more comforting than the potential, maybe it’s safer, but it relieves the “what ifs” and creates a closure that facilitates moving on, moving forward to new and different plans.

We’ll see what happens at our appointment at Wake tomorrow…

I’m feeling cautiously optimistic.


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